Dear Future Husband,
The world I’m sure thinks I’m crazy. I’ve been a wife twice already, and I seem to have come up short in some way. Not everyone knows the entire story from either of those chapters of my life. I wasn’t perfect, but I’m also realizing that I wasn’t the sole person to blame for shortcomings. I’m a loving, caring person and when I fall, I fall hard. I’m not completely perfect, I’ve said that, and I’ll always admit it. There are some things I just want you to know.
I don’t care what the world thinks. I care about the person I’ve grown into, the experiences I’ve had that have shaped me into the future wife I’ll be and the mother that I am. God gave me my daughter to make me a better person, to give me a purpose. Every single day I strive to be a role model for her, and every decision I make affects her. I’m extremely hard on myself, I’m my worst critic, and I need you to tell me to stop sometimes.
Is it crazy that I ever even want to get married again? Maybe a little. But to be totally honest, I couldn’t see life any other way than having more kids and raising them with the one person I love. It’s terrifying at the same time. I feel like I’ve been through it all and I should write a book about red flags and what not to do. I need you to know that I’m sensitive, that I’m vulnerable, and that sometimes I don’t need you to fix everything I have going on (because let’s face it, I’m a hot mess right now) but I just need you to listen, offer your shoulder to cry on, and hold me tight.
I need you to love my daughter. I’ve been a stepparent, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I want my future husband to be a gentleman, someone that she will use as a standard to forever judge men against. She needs it, she deserves that. My daughter is the light of my life, my everything, my reason I keep going. She will always be my baby, and I need someone that loves her too.
I’m stubborn. Don’t let that keep you from helping me. I’ve been through things that have forced me to do things on my own, which I don’t typically complain about but I’m not always as strong as I look. I want a partnership of love and respect. I don’t want to fight with you, I want to fight against problems. I want to overcome, to grow, and always have each other’s back.
Most of all, we need to trust each other. I want to know that we will never give up.